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May 2024 ISSUE no:10001

TODAY'S TOP STORIES:

SKIN FADE haircut copyrighted by Stamford Hospital

Meadows spoiled by NOISY FEW, says ducks

OAKHAM MUSEUM unearths mucky VIDEOS

MYSTERY as pregnancy rates SOAR at newly formed CO-ED school

CHURCH to be demolished

SPORT: Stamford celebrate LOSS with 'friendly tussle'

PUTTY PAINTS to close, again

By Damson Jamon-Toast

Published: 24th Apr 2024 05:24.BST

Photo of Putty paints, a shop in Stamford that is closing down
Sad day for light-tan-coloured paint. Unfortunate spillage
Stamford's much-loved paint emporium Putty Paints is to close this week, after changing tastes and paint styles causes fall in sales.

Selling a wide variety of light, warm and tan tone paints, 'paintable furniture', and associated knick-knacks and gimcrackery, Putty Paints has been a firm favourite on the Stamford shopping scene since it opened. 'We've had a amazing time and met many fabulous customers, who we'll miss terribly. But the team felt it was right for Putty Paints to move on to pastures new', said joint business owner Semolina Blook.

A RAINBOW OF CHOICE

Putty paints, established in 2008, was a joint venture between husband and wife team, Semolina and Urgil Blook (CEO of Globotarmac Inc), who's previous business 'Teal Time', was a successful paint sales business, specialising in blueish green paints. Before establishing Teal Time, Semolina ran 'Brown Beauty', a paint business based at the same Great Casterton road site, specialising in a rich variety of brown based paints, spanning 'Beef gravy' to 'Swedish pine'.

Some are born GREY, some achieve GREYNESS...

'Customers of Putty Paints won't have to be long-faced for long, as we are delighted to announce that we will be bringing a new business to our Great Casterton site,' Semolina reassured customers. ''Gorgeous Grey' will be opening its doors, as soon as the paint is dry!' Semolina said. 'With the arrival of grey on the interior design scene in 2022, we were itching to begin creating a range of non-colour based paints. Our launch range will be a fabulous collection of Tarmac themed tones, aimed primarily at the children's bedroom market. We will be following this with a dynamic range of ashen, leaden, and gloom themed colour ways, typically used in the bathroom or kitchen'.

A big grey suburban house and a big grey SUV
The Blook residence, in fabulous full grey effect.
OVERCAST

'We have also developed an exterior range,' Semolina continued, 'our 'Overcast Collection', which is aimed at livening up exterior walls, and is especially suited for those with damp discolouration issues, as the tones are designed to match the greyish green of mould, so when applied to exterior walls masks any problems. Particularly handy in the 'flipping' market and for property developers.'

Sounds like Gorgeous Grey has it covered!

We are sure it will be a grey't success, and we wish Semolina all the best of luck with her new venture. Stamford Uranus readers can get a 26% discount, using the Voucher code:Greyanus

Do you agree? What do you think? Really?

Sponsored editorial - GloboTarmac Inc.

Peterborough Festival of Tarmac

Much-loved celebration of 'All things Tarmac' returns for its 17th year. Promises to be a great day out for all the family.
Pile of rubbish on a street corner in Stamford

TOWN bemused by 'Art'

Anonymous local artist and prankster Xavier Potato creates 'rubbish' sculpture, according to local man, 83.

UP YOUR NEWS...

COUNCILLOR FORCED to RESIGN

After an extensive investigation lasting MANY minutes, elected Councillor and much loved local carer, Marigold Fury, 73, was forced to resign - after it became apparent she had failed to adhere to strict new self-enrichment protocols mandated by Lincolnshire County Council.

IMPROVED VIEWS of CAR PARK

Visitors to Stamford's cattlemarket car park will FINALLY be able to see their car from the meadows - when later this week ALL the trees bordering the river and meadows will be felled - following single complaint from visitor. Who luckily was a tree surgeon (Timbercide of Crowland).

WALLY CUSTARD to PERFORM at GRAND OPENING

After being away for exactly 5 years, Wally Custard is BACK and will be showcasing his topical brand of cheeky toilet humour at the newly renamed Flemish Enslaver. Never shy of controversy, Wally loves nothing better than poking fun at our continental cousins.